I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
