I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
