I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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