The maid of honor just puked.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I have tasted many bathrooms
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
