Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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