And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Randomize
