I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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