I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
