garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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