one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
