I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
