I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Michael Bay diarrhea
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
