she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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