Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
