this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
