He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
