Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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