Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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