The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
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