I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
