Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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