Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
