dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
