Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
