I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
