Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
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