Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
