you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
