She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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