You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
