He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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