she was so not down for the gang bang
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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