all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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