Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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