i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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