I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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