I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
