My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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