Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Randomize
