Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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