I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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