ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
