I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
