Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
