I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
