it hurts more in the daytime
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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