even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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