im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
