Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
