if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
