My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
