even my farts smell like vagina
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
