I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize
