what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
